update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
