Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
