I think I died a long time ago.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
