Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
