i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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