when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
