Kiss
Puke
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
