So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
