my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
