You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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