sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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