She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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