you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
