Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
