I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
