We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
