if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
