paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
