Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think my vagina is haunted
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
