if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
