I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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