Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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