I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
