So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
