I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
