So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
