I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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