ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
