I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
