A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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