Im at strip club and am horny
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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