these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
