Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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