i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm passing your future prison.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
