Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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