Jerry, you need to find god
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
