i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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