I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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