Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
