Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
