i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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