idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
