she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
