So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
