But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ladies don't puke and tell
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
