you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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