ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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