I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
