When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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