You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
