you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
