dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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