Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
